Ever wonder why even the hottest chicks can't find love? We're looking at you, Jessica Simpson. And why some fuglies are in solid relationships? Two words: Amy Winehouse. We scratched our head and looked deep within ourselves to figure out who are the hottest chicks we hate and the ugliest girls we love. For some, the hottest hate-targets would be Paris Hilton or Britany Spears... but we said hot; others would say Lindsay Lohan... but we love the hell out of that girl, don't you? And there are ugly girls out there that are strong that we should like, right? Rosie O'Donnell, anyone? Well here they are, love 'em and hate 'em, we do!
It must really suck to be a hot chick in the land o' tv shows. You're either cast as the lonely and lovesick loser (sorry America Ferrera, back to makeup), the asexual bitch (keep on digging, Bones), or you're paired up with nasty don't-have-a-chance-in-Hell dudes. Is this some cruel revenge cooked-up by television writers for all the times they've been shot down by Ms. Mile-Long Legs or Sexy McCurvyson? Or are attractive women just that much more prone to adore big dumb animals? Sure there was that spate of awful real-life mashups in the 80's and early 90's--Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel, Rachel Hunter and Rod Stewart, Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett--but these were probably fueled by white drugs and bad eyesight due to an over-exposure to neon. These days beauty and her proverbial beast are cast upon the small screen, with us as the viewing audience wondering WTF??? As shallow as it may seem, it's time to take a look at the lookers and losers.
5-Ross and Rachel
Rachel works in the fashion industry and got it on with over 20 different guys during the show; Ross is a Paleontologist and admitted to being "dumped during sex." She shared genes with characters played by the famously hot Christina Applegate and oh-so-adorable Reese Witherspoon. He was brother to Monica played by Courtney Cox, a woman whose face is so sharply angular it could cut glass. She's a sexy mom, he's a triple divorcee dad. How did these two wind up together? I think we can blame this mismatch squarely on the "Friends" writers who had some fairly notorious angst aimed at the female cast members. Poor Rachel--If I were her I'd kick Ross out of bed and onto the curb and go back to my naughty novel.
Over the years there have been some strange celebrity cameos on kids shows. People that have no business showing up in children's programming and that kids would probably never recognize anyway. Here's 6 of the best.
6. Todd Barry (Sesame Street)
Todd Barry might not exactly be celebrity cameo material. An institution in the New York alternative comedy scene, Todd is best known for his slow, understated delivery. Sounds like the perfect fit for a Sesame Street skit huh? For one reason or another, the people at Children Television Workshop decided to tap a comic who manages to mention Victoria's Secret, 9/11 and sodomy in one joke to play the number 7 in a police interrogation sketch. Decked out in tight yellow spandex and cape, chest hair peeking over, Todd acts out the old "7, 8, 9" joke, vehemently denying that he ate the number 9.
By now we all know about the TV series "Cavemen" Some genius producers decided it was a smart idea to base a sitcom around some Geico ads. And since the show looks so terrible, it begs the question: what commercials would have made better TV series?
6. Trojan Man
The Commercial: Trojan Man, a "never shown besides an arm" character a la Dr. Claw, arrives in the nick of time to give young people condoms.
The Pitch: With the popularity of "Heroes", networks are realizing the prime-time potential of superhero/ sci-fi franchises. What better way to cash in on this than giving Trojan Man his own series? Each episode will feature a new young couple finding themselves in the heat of the moment without a prophylactic in sight, when Trojan Man bursts through their wall and throws them a 12 pack. The rest of the show will be Trojan Man fighting the Pope and any other conservative that stands in the way of his pro-rubber agenda.
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