It's a sad and lamentable fact that drug abuse is a common problem in our modern day society. But drug use isn't limited to real humans: some our most beloved fictional characters were no doubt hopped up on something as well. So join us as we shed the cold hard light of truth on these pill-popping, line-snorting, joint-smoking fiends. And before you bitch and moan about how we didn't mention the most obvious offender of all time-Shaggy from Scooby-Doo-it's because he's already in the Fictional Drug Abuser's Hall of Fame (heck, they have a statue of him outside the building).
7- Gargamel
Drug of choice: Psychedelic mushrooms
Poor, poor Gargie-living out in the woods by himself with no one to keep him company but a mangy orange cat and with nothing to wear but a tattered black onesie. Now, you might be thinking that old Gargamel is a fan of the drink but nope: our deranged wizard friend is a habitual user of psychedelic mushrooms. We're guessing he stumbled upon a patch one day in the woods and mistaking them for harmless morels, put them in a stew or something; the next thing he knows, there are all these little blue creatures running around all over the place and he's gotta catch them so he can turn them into gold. We're hoping that whatever organization handles senior citizens in Gargamel's world makes a long overdue visit to his hovel and sets him up in a nice retirement home.
Even though so many occupation-based reality television programs have already found incredible talent (e.g. The Contender, American Idol), it still feels like the surface has really just been scratched as far as job-related shows go. And since every time we turn on the television something completely valueless and inane comes on, now is the perfect time for OMGLists to unveil six potential television programs that could revolutionize life as we know it.
6-America's Next Top Film or Television Extra
What could be more entertaining than gathering up a group of potential movie extras and watching them as they do what they do best: nothing. This contest pits human background props against one another, with an audience then choosing which extra is better able to stand behind the principle action of a film and not say a word. If at any time the viewers become aware of what an extra is doing in the background, that living prop will be reprimanded by the extra "experts", and ultimately voted off. During special theme weeks, the extras will be placed into different TV and film genres and asked to respond as typically as possible to particular situations. For example, during"Teen Drama Week," the extra will be asked to walk down a school hallway, while holding books. During "Detective Mystery Week," the extra will have to sit in a chair at a police station and look interested as a Sergeant asks a hot-headed younger cop to turn in his badge. Ultimately, the extra who displays the best ability to not draw any attention to him or herself wins a 30-second spot on The George Lopez Show.
There's no denying that people love game shows. Heck, there's even an entire channel devoted to them. But for every awesome game show like The Price is Right or Jeopardy, we have a crapload of other shows with premises so ridiculous and idiotic, they hurt our collective intelligence with their very existence. And wasn't it high time someone exposed these waste shows for the terrible wastes of time that they were? Of course it was! So come along as we countdown the 9 Most Insultingly Idiotic Game Shows of all time!
9- Wheel of Fortune
This show's been around for what feels like forever. In fact, our theory is that when early man discovered the wheel, he immediately thought to himself, "I know exactly what to do with this thing. I'm going to put a bunch of monetary denominations on it and let people spin it while they solve dead simple word puzzles." Of course, money hadn't been invented yet and neither had words but they still had Pat Sajak around (seriously, that guy never ages). Wheel of Fortune is actually not that bad of a game show but what kills us is how the simple word puzzles continue to confound a legion of slow-witted contestants. It's freaking Hangman, people! If you get selected to be on the show, don't buy vowels, take an educated guess every now and again and buy a book of cliched sayings, okay?
Infomercial directors think you are unattractive. They think you are stupid. They think you are lazy. Let's be honest, they're probably right. But that doesn't make their products any less asinine. As anyone who has watched late night television or the Home Shopping Network knows, infomercials are the shelter for products that were just marketable enough to be made, but nowhere near practical enough to take up valuable shelf space in stores. And thank god for that, because they make for some entertaining commercials. Keep in mind that I value my sanity to a certain degree, so I have not submitted myself to infomercials on an endless loop. Have an equally stupid favorite? Comment!
7- Rejuvenique
You would have to be pretty desperate for a pretty complexion to wear this iron maiden for your face (No, not that one, I mean this kind). By sending electrical impulses into your head in the creepiest way possible, Rejuvenique promises to exercise your face to the degree that eight sit-ups a second would do for your stomach. Finally you can have that six-pack on your forehead that you've always wanted. And if you ever have a last minute invitation to one of those freaky Eyes Wide Shut parties you have a mask ready to go. My big question for Rejuvenique is this: I get that it has to shape to a face, but did you really have to sculpt the lips and eyebrows?
In between one of the greatest comebacks in NFL history, a bunch of new commercials premiered. With commercial slots costing more than you or I will make in our pathetic lives, most companies put together high-quality ads that accurately conveyed the importance of its products. These six companies, on the other hand, created absolute crap.
6- IceBreakers Ice Cube Gum
This ad asks us to suspend disbelief on way too many levels. First, that Carmen Electra has the ability to draw a line around the block. Second, that she'd choose "Wow" as her code word. And third, that she'd be that impressed by a piece of gum. Considering she was married to Dennis Rodman for a year, she's probably had weirder things in her mouth. And what message do we get from all this insanity? That chewing Ice Breakers Ice Cubes will ultimately lead to the consumer getting the shit kicked out of him.
Reporters have a rough job. They slave and toil to bring us information about the world around us, with little thanks other than the occasional verbal harassment. Here are eight journalists that put their safety on the line to put us right in the middle of the most important (read: injury-filled) news stories ever. Possible fakes have been omitted so dirty tricksters don't get credit for false bravery. Yes, These reporters, are most assuredly the real deal. Also, Note the quick reference to each videos juicy parts!
8- Reporter Pwned By Kitty
A sadistic couple gets caught throwing their pet cats out of a moving car and killing them. Luckily, Kathleen Cochrane is on the scene - sort of. She's definitely on a scene of some kind; I'm guessing an animal shelter. Instead of holding a purring kitten and winning the sympathy of her viewers, she picks Satan's death kitty - proving that cats are nothing more than killing machines. She reminds us not to fuck with cats that make noise like this.
Point of pwnage: 0:15
The fact that shows like these are either gone or are about to be canceled makes me vomit when I think about it.
5- Stella
It's only been off the air for a couple of years, but there has never been a show like "Stella" on television. Blurring the lines between sketch and the traditional sitcom format, the former "State" alumni created the most unique comedy show in years. With cameos from veteran dramatic and comedic actors "Stella" broke conventions by continuously pointing out standard conventions and spinning them on their heads. The shows downfall came from not being able to branch out passed their built in fan base. It was just too unique. So, naturally the show was cancelled.
Despite what every Christmas song and movie tells you, we all know what an American Christmas is all about: money. People spending money and richer people earning it. That's why "Jingle All the Way" is the most entertaining Christmas movie ever made: its all about trying to buy a dumb toy. (Ok, Arnold punching a reindeer in the nose also helps it earn that title.) So with Christmas almost here, why not set your desktop to a picture of an open fire, start up your Holiday iTunes playlist and enjoy this list of holiday leeches and their attempts to turn Christmas joy into revenue. And also a cheap joke about rednecks.
6. Made for TV Movies
December TV airtime isn't just reserved for continuous play of A Christmas Story and Rudolph, or even that exciting channel that only plays footage of a Yule log burning. (Don't anyone tell me what happens on Yule log TV this year. I'm just catching up with the 2006 log on DVD.) In fact, it's the time of year where you'll find the most original movies popping up on cable. And maybe 10% of them actually have to do with Christmas. The rest all feel like shelved projects that nobody would green light until an arbitrary connection to the holiday season was made. Got a romantic comedy, family drama or feel good movie about someone turning their life around that you can't get into production? Throw some Christmas lights on the houses, snow on the ground and have the climax fall on Christmas Eve. Lifetime or the Hallmark Channel will surely play it.
Today's list comes from reader ''Floyd Gondoli''. Want to contribute to OMGLists? Then drop us a line, and your list idea, and we'll make magic!
Before they died in the wake of reality shows and cop dramas, comedies ruled the TV landscape. In fact, there was such a surplus of sitcoms in the eighties and nineties that writers would do anything to get their show notices, including giving their characters nonsensical names that would never fly in today's society... or at least today's society outside of San Francisco. Below, we list the nine stupidest names in sitcom history, and the annoying characters they were bestowed upon.
8- Arvid Engen, ''Head of the Class''
Picture Brad Pitt. Now, change the hair to greasy (unwashed greasy, not cool greasy) black. Change the nose so it's larger and less appealing. Take about 60 lbs of muscle away. Add gold-rimmed glasses that are thicker and more awful-looking than your grandmother's. Then you've got Arvid, a nerd who manages to be the most uncool kid in an honors class.
Ever wonder why even the hottest chicks can't find love? We're looking at you, Jessica Simpson. And why some fuglies are in solid relationships? Two words: Amy Winehouse. We scratched our head and looked deep within ourselves to figure out who are the hottest chicks we hate and the ugliest girls we love. For some, the hottest hate-targets would be Paris Hilton or Britany Spears... but we said hot; others would say Lindsay Lohan... but we love the hell out of that girl, don't you? And there are ugly girls out there that are strong that we should like, right? Rosie O'Donnell, anyone? Well here they are, love 'em and hate 'em, we do!
Dave Rudden (16)
Kate McNally (14)
Xivy (3)
