Syndication may have gotten you used to a particular version of a show's theme song, but some programs had some weird themes before they had an audience. Here's seven alternate themes that probably kept its shows from popularity.
7- Saved By The Bell
With the show running ad nauseum in syndication, people have grown used to the standard intro to "Saved by the Bell,", from the first episodes in an out-of-place Indianapolis junior high to the final wretched episode of The New Class. That's why it's so surprising to see not one, but two alternate intros for the show. The first was for the junior high episodes, which previously existed as a separate TV series called "Good Morning, Miss Bliss." The second was an alternate version of the classic theme with a slightly edgier twist, used only during the first few seasons on NBC.
Oh, what you could do with your parents' permission as a child. With a phone and a ton of money to burn, a child of the 1980's had so many 1-900 numbers at his or her disposal. While just about all of them were cash-vacuums, the following seven break the bank in terms of stupidity.
7- Freddy Kreuger Hotline
Yes, someone thought it would be a good idea for this horror icon to have a hotline. Sure, Freddy could spout out some sweet puns when he was plunging his steak-knife fingers into a random coed's chest, but were people that desperate to be scared in the 80's? The only thing scary about this hotline, which probably consisted of a ghost story being slowly read by Robert Englund (or even worse, a shoddy impersonator,) were the charges that stupid kids piled up. Of course, the ad has the requisite "Ask for your parents' permission" disclaimer, but who would listen to a mass murderer like Freddy Kreuger?
Just take a look at the TV on DVD shelf at your local video store and you will see countless shows that you forgot even existed. When every season of Dinosaurs is on DVD, you can be sure that they are scraping the bottom of the barrel and pushing out anything that could possibly sell. So with every single TV show that ever existed making its way to DVD, the question is, why aren't these shows getting proper releases?
7. The Comedians of Comedy
Don't be fooled by the DVD release of the motion picture of the same name, this short lived gem of a TV show is still in DVD limbo, apparently not being deemed worthy of gracing the shelves of a Best Buy next to "Mind of Mencia" or other wonderful Comedy Central releases. This documentary show followed comedians Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Zach Galifianakis, and Maria Bamford on their tour of U.S. Cities, splicing together footage from their performances with them attempting to entertain themselves as the drove from city to city. They do so with a variety of activities that often prove to be funnier than their actual stage antics, such as feeding dirty lines into a playback parrot in a Cracker Barrel, recreating scenes from When Harry Met Sally in a diner, and counting how many amputees they can find on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. "Dane Cook's Tourgasm" gets a fancy chrome covered DVD set and the Comedians of Comedy get nothing? Get on it DVD people!
What made the 80s such a memorable decade for so many of us? Was it the strange music or unusual hair? No it was the abundance of so many great toys, advertised in massive quantities each week. Unfortunately, there were times when after purchasing your totally cool toy it turned out to not be nearly as radical as it seemed on television, and you regretted your purchase for about a week (until your next sweet acquisition). This list records 9 of those toys that for one reason or another had you scratching your young head after buying it.
9-Crossfire
Apparently in the future the "ultimate challenge" involves shooting marbles at other marbles on a 16-inch game board. At least that's what I think this game entails, because the commercial makes no attempt whatsoever to explain how this product actually works. But who could blame them? When you have a theme song this catchy, why ruin it with an announcer attempting to describe exactly what the item does? The company should really focus their marketing on those sweet hoverboards the leather-jacket-clad kids come riding in on. I'd buy one of those before I'd buy what I assume is a board game.
When we hear about comedy teams we immediately think of the past. Laurel and Hardy, the 3 Stooges, the Marx Brothers and many others have become the icons of this comedic format. But comedy teams still exist today and still crank out some of the funniest material around. They have simply evolved past asking each other who is on certain bases and getting woefully confused. Here are the ten that have created bodies of work that will stand the comedic test of time and be forever tied to our current comedy landscape.
10. Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant
Their creation of The Office alone would have cemented Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant in comedy lore. This little British sitcom helped to re-define the genre and squeeze uncomfortable laughter out of awkwardness like not even Curb You Enthusiasm can do. They moved on to their second series, Extras, and proved that they were by no means a one hit wonder. Although the hook of the show may be seeing big name American and British celebrities make complete asses out of themselves in wonderfully self-deprecating ways, the true charm still remains in the awkward predicaments the main cast members find themselves in. As far as horribly funny social situations on television, perhaps nothing has ever topped the Extras scene involving the perfect combination of Merchant, a first date, a clogged toilet and an egg whisk.
It's a sad and lamentable fact that drug abuse is a common problem in our modern day society. But drug use isn't limited to real humans: some our most beloved fictional characters were no doubt hopped up on something as well. So join us as we shed the cold hard light of truth on these pill-popping, line-snorting, joint-smoking fiends. And before you bitch and moan about how we didn't mention the most obvious offender of all time-Shaggy from Scooby-Doo-it's because he's already in the Fictional Drug Abuser's Hall of Fame (heck, they have a statue of him outside the building).
7- Gargamel
Drug of choice: Psychedelic mushrooms
Poor, poor Gargie-living out in the woods by himself with no one to keep him company but a mangy orange cat and with nothing to wear but a tattered black onesie. Now, you might be thinking that old Gargamel is a fan of the drink but nope: our deranged wizard friend is a habitual user of psychedelic mushrooms. We're guessing he stumbled upon a patch one day in the woods and mistaking them for harmless morels, put them in a stew or something; the next thing he knows, there are all these little blue creatures running around all over the place and he's gotta catch them so he can turn them into gold. We're hoping that whatever organization handles senior citizens in Gargamel's world makes a long overdue visit to his hovel and sets him up in a nice retirement home.
Even though so many occupation-based reality television programs have already found incredible talent (e.g. The Contender, American Idol), it still feels like the surface has really just been scratched as far as job-related shows go. And since every time we turn on the television something completely valueless and inane comes on, now is the perfect time for OMGLists to unveil six potential television programs that could revolutionize life as we know it.
6-America's Next Top Film or Television Extra
What could be more entertaining than gathering up a group of potential movie extras and watching them as they do what they do best: nothing. This contest pits human background props against one another, with an audience then choosing which extra is better able to stand behind the principle action of a film and not say a word. If at any time the viewers become aware of what an extra is doing in the background, that living prop will be reprimanded by the extra "experts", and ultimately voted off. During special theme weeks, the extras will be placed into different TV and film genres and asked to respond as typically as possible to particular situations. For example, during"Teen Drama Week," the extra will be asked to walk down a school hallway, while holding books. During "Detective Mystery Week," the extra will have to sit in a chair at a police station and look interested as a Sergeant asks a hot-headed younger cop to turn in his badge. Ultimately, the extra who displays the best ability to not draw any attention to him or herself wins a 30-second spot on The George Lopez Show.
There's no denying that people love game shows. Heck, there's even an entire channel devoted to them. But for every awesome game show like The Price is Right or Jeopardy, we have a crapload of other shows with premises so ridiculous and idiotic, they hurt our collective intelligence with their very existence. And wasn't it high time someone exposed these waste shows for the terrible wastes of time that they were? Of course it was! So come along as we countdown the 9 Most Insultingly Idiotic Game Shows of all time!
9- Wheel of Fortune
This show's been around for what feels like forever. In fact, our theory is that when early man discovered the wheel, he immediately thought to himself, "I know exactly what to do with this thing. I'm going to put a bunch of monetary denominations on it and let people spin it while they solve dead simple word puzzles." Of course, money hadn't been invented yet and neither had words but they still had Pat Sajak around (seriously, that guy never ages). Wheel of Fortune is actually not that bad of a game show but what kills us is how the simple word puzzles continue to confound a legion of slow-witted contestants. It's freaking Hangman, people! If you get selected to be on the show, don't buy vowels, take an educated guess every now and again and buy a book of cliched sayings, okay?
Infomercial directors think you are unattractive. They think you are stupid. They think you are lazy. Let's be honest, they're probably right. But that doesn't make their products any less asinine. As anyone who has watched late night television or the Home Shopping Network knows, infomercials are the shelter for products that were just marketable enough to be made, but nowhere near practical enough to take up valuable shelf space in stores. And thank god for that, because they make for some entertaining commercials. Keep in mind that I value my sanity to a certain degree, so I have not submitted myself to infomercials on an endless loop. Have an equally stupid favorite? Comment!
7- Rejuvenique
You would have to be pretty desperate for a pretty complexion to wear this iron maiden for your face (No, not that one, I mean this kind). By sending electrical impulses into your head in the creepiest way possible, Rejuvenique promises to exercise your face to the degree that eight sit-ups a second would do for your stomach. Finally you can have that six-pack on your forehead that you've always wanted. And if you ever have a last minute invitation to one of those freaky Eyes Wide Shut parties you have a mask ready to go. My big question for Rejuvenique is this: I get that it has to shape to a face, but did you really have to sculpt the lips and eyebrows?
In between one of the greatest comebacks in NFL history, a bunch of new commercials premiered. With commercial slots costing more than you or I will make in our pathetic lives, most companies put together high-quality ads that accurately conveyed the importance of its products. These six companies, on the other hand, created absolute crap.
6- IceBreakers Ice Cube Gum
This ad asks us to suspend disbelief on way too many levels. First, that Carmen Electra has the ability to draw a line around the block. Second, that she'd choose "Wow" as her code word. And third, that she'd be that impressed by a piece of gum. Considering she was married to Dennis Rodman for a year, she's probably had weirder things in her mouth. And what message do we get from all this insanity? That chewing Ice Breakers Ice Cubes will ultimately lead to the consumer getting the shit kicked out of him.
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