From the dawn of time, man has been unjustly confined when choosing significant others, forced to select only between other human beings. Well, what if I told you that besides the customary human being -- a mate that ensures the continuation of our species -- there is another possibility? And what if I told you that this other option's assets were not randomly created and assigned by genes and science, but instead by mankind. After all, it is man who knows what he likes and wants, and through this new mate-alternative, he is afforded the ability to add or dismiss whatever traits he deems important. I know, I know, you can see from a mile away where I'm going with this. You're correct, I'm talking about puppet love. If you're unconvinced, then take a gander at 8 of the hottest puppet celebrities, and feel free to tell me how right I am.
8- Ms. Leech from The Puppet Master
Ms. Leech not only proved that women puppets could be just as deadly, but that they could be damn fine in the process.Today, so many deadly puppets are more comfortable using conventional knives and flamethrowers to dispatch with their enemies, while Ms. Leech makes use of some slightly alternative means; namely, leeches pouring forth from her mouth. I can't tell you how many times I've placed myself into that role of the hapless victim and envisioned your impassioned leeches slowly sucking the life out of my body. And even though you're fictional, I keep asking God to, just once, let me wake up to find that the strange wetness on my face is one of your sexual, killer leeches and not just my own drool If God did that, I promise I would completely turn my life around and stop writing ridiculous internet articles.
With the upcoming release of the mysterious horror-action movie "Cloverfield", the internet has been abuzz with rumors of the identity of the city-killing monster that has yet to be seen in trailers. We don't want to know what the monster is until it pops up on the silver screen, but we thought we'd do the world a favor and present our spoiler-free list of 8 things we know the monster won't be.
8- Cool-looking in ten years
Remember how awesome you thought movies like "The Lawnmower Man" and "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" looked way back when?" Now go back and check them out today. Ugly as sin, right? While CGI creatures may look awesome now, they have a really short shelf life before the technology's age begins to show. By 2018, we'll be laughing at the obvious fakery of "Cloverfield's" monster. That is, unless a real-life city-destroying monster doesn't hit before then.
If you're reading this site, you obviously have a love for pop culture. And who doesn't love a good game? So of course you adore the idea of games based around pop culture (Or for the sake of this list just pretend you do. Please?). But after you've memorized every answer to Scene It? and gotten tired of having Trivial Pursuit make you feel stupid, you need somewhere new to turn to. Thankfully I have compiled this list of the best (and cheapest) games, most created by great comedic minds, that you can play to indulge your pop culture obsession.
5. How Did Oprah Introduce?
(Created by Jason Nash and Jeff Bumgarner)
What you need: A DVR recorder (or a really good memory), a friend with a decent Oprah impression.
How you play: Using your best Oprah impersonation, give three examples of ways in which Oprah introduced a certain guest, two of them being made up and one legitimate. How might Oprah introduce Matthew Mcconaughey? Is it overzealous, hollering Oprah with an extended "Matthew Mcconaugheeeeeeyyyyyyyy!!!!"? Is it down home, country Oprah with a southern twanged intro? Was it subdued, nonchalant Oprah with a laid back mutter? No matter your opinion on the woman, her flare for introductions can't be denied. Maybe add in a bonus "weight-fluctuation" round, guessing whether Oprah was thin or fat at the time.
Each year I have a 16 year old girl tell me her favorite films of the year. This is her list.
10- The Number 23
Jim Carrey hasn't been this funny since the Truman Show and let me tell you something... he was hilarious in The Truman Show. Every scene had me slapping my knees trying to contain the giggling coming out of me. Although I was the only one in the theatre laughing it should be noted that I was also the ONLY person in the theatre too. So the entire audience was literally in stitches. What is also weird is that the number 23 keeps popping up, 23 is also the amount of people I know that saw this film.
Every year at this season changes come in many forms--days get shorter, nights get longer, and primetime television goes from sex and violence to tidings of comfort and joy... which may actually include sex and violence for some of you. (You know who you are--and you sick puppies need help).
It is during this time that we curl up in front of glowing nostalgia and let the warm embrace of television fill our heads and hearts with characters embodied by real people and stop-motion lumps of clay alike. Some may be endearing and funny, others weird and perhaps a little bit scary, but at the end of the show you know that everyone will eventually come to appreciate the holidays for what they are: a time of sharing, appreciating friends, helping those in need, maxing our your credit cards, gorging on fattening foods, waiting in long lines while screaming children get candy canes stuck to your coat, and avoiding awkward family situations where your relatives keep asking when you're going to find a nice young man and settle down because grandkids just aren't going to make themselves you know! Sometimes you need more than a little eggnog to help you through the holiday season--these quirky characters are just the trick to keep in the season's spirit without losing your own sanity.
6-Wham! "Last Christmas"
Okay, okay, I know "Last Christmas" is a music video and not technically a movie. But once you check out this little gem you'll agree that to not include those Wham!-boys on this list would be a travesty of epic proportions. For those of you unlucky souls who have yet to see this VH1 holiday favorite, the video starts out with a group of people wearing spandex and big hair waiting at the bottom of a snowy mountain. George Michael shows up sporting not only the biggest hair of them all, but also a new girlfriend! The catch? His EX, to whom he supposedly gave his heart--wait for it--Last Christmas, is there too! With her new boyfriend! It's genius! Just sit back and watch the calamity ensue! As the group climb aboard the tram to take them up the mountain one can only assume the "other guy" from Wham! is already there, but we really have no idea for sure because no one actually knows what he looks like. We know he existed, but we just can't prove it. Kind of like Atlantis. Or a gay Republican. Or the sock-monster that lives in the dryer. But I digress. So the group arrives at a giant log cabin (that one writes itself) where George and his ex proceed to trade meaningful glances while decorating the tree. After dinner the party heads outside to frolic about in the snow and the two ex-lovers engage in a playful snowball fight while shifting back and forth between the present and a montage of snowball fights past. The whole thing ends when everyone takes the tram back down the mountain and says goodbye at the bottom. The ex and her guy leave together, but what about George? All I know is that he seems to be exiting by himself with no girlfriend in sight. I personally think this is a bit scary. Was she left behind? Killed by a bear? Did they have to eat her and burn her bones to stay alive? Believe what you want, but I think THIS Christmas George gave his heart to someone special--his band mate...in a bathroom...in a park.
Some movies sound like good ideas. Great ones in fact. But somewhere between conception and birth they become bastardized versions of what they could have been. Here are 6 of the worst offenders.
6. Signs
Why it sounded good- M. Night Shaymalaohyouknow, hot off The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, hadn't yet revealed that those were the two fluke good movies in his career. The idea of him putting his own filter on the alien movie like he did with ghost and superhero movies before seemed like a sure thing. Plus Mel Gibson wasn't (publicly) crazy yet.
Why it sucked- Besides the movie being terrible compared to other alien movies, it also carried a weird religious theme that, looking back, may have been the only reason Mel signed on to such a horrid script. The little suspense there is gets killed when the aliens are finally revealed. They look dumb, they act dumb, and although they can travel light years to invade us, they're dumb enough to pick a planet that is 70% covered with water, a substance that instantly kills them.
Some Hollywood executives can't seem to quite understand that star power trumps all. In the majority of film franchises, audiences won't stand for stand-ins taking the hand-me-down roles left by actors who made the roles famous. Below are the seven most egregious examples of bait-and-switch casting, and the franchises ruined by it.
7- Son of the Mask
The original: Jim Carrey
The replacement: Jamie Kennedy
One of Jim Carrey's earliest successes was The Mask. Like his first star vehicle, Ace Ventura, The Mask was a success largely powered by Carrey's uncanny ability to ham it up--be honest, how much of that movie do you actually remember?. Moving onto bigger and better things, Carrey never again donned the green facepaint and zoot suit that shot him into the stratosphere. Instead, Jamie Kennedy suited up and did what he does best; completely ruin movies with his lack of ability to do anything positive.
Most celebrities are content to stay in their own chosen realm: actor, singer, comic, etc. But some of them have a mid-career crisis and completely switch directions, sometimes in bizarre and wonderful ways.
7. Ian McKellen...Nerd God?
For years Ian McKellen toiled away on stage, coming to be one of the most respected Shakespearean actors around. Even when he made it in to film it was usually for Shakespeare related works. Sure, once in awhile he would show up in a terrible film like Dark Man or Last Action Hero, but generally he stuck to his refined acting roots. Then, at the turn of the millennium, he apparently realized that he was wasting his talents on the few people that actually want go to see Shakespeare. Thus, at age 61, he kicked his career into high gear and in quick succession he signed on to play Magneto in X-Men and Gandalf in Lord of the Rings, cementing himself into two of the most successful movie trilogies ever and at the same time the hearts of nerds everywhere.
5- Sugarland Express
Before Steven redefined the summer blockbuster with Jaws, he made a small film about a mother and her convict husband who kidnap their daughter who is in custody with foster parents. The plan goes awry when they take a police officer hostage and lead a chase across Texas.
The story, which is based on an actual event, lead to the death of the father who was shot in the neck because he was armed during he police stand off. Its a pleasure to see Spielberg use his natural talent for the lens instead of relying on visual effects. This film also features a great performance from Goldie Hawn four years after her run on Laugh-In.
Cracked.com recently revealed, in list format the darkest moments in the careers of nine of the film industry's most acclaimed directors. We here at OMGLists are giving it the Re:List treatment, providing commentary on the original picks and making a few of our own. Hit the jump to Re:List!
Ben Karl (3)
Chenda Ngak (7)
OMGLists Team (10)
TKK (9)
Xivy (3)