I'm sure there's a good reason for adding an extra day to February every four years, but I have no idea what that reason is But after investigating events that have happened on this day throughout history, I've made a shocking discovery. It is the scariest day of the year. Friday the 13th? Halloween? They don't have anything on the fear that comes forth on February 29th. Thank god it only comes once every four years. Here's the six scariest things that have happened on Leap Year Day.
6- Flooding (2000, 2008)
Both in the Mozambique countryside and Buenos Aries, Argentina (respectively), rising flood waters expelled tens of thousands of people from their homes in a major natural disaster that caused epic humanitarian crises. Calls went out around the world for helicopters, financial aid, food and potable water, medicine, supplies for shelter, medical staff, trained personnel, etc. People in Mozambique continue to rebuild their lives but those in Argentina are still waiting to see how bad the destruction will be. Hopefully come tomorrow things will begin to subside once today washes out.
How many times when eating a bowl of cereal have you thought to yourself, "Am I eating this bowl of sugar and milk because I actually think it tastes good? Or am I just afraid of what will happen to me if I don't?" It's been rumored that years ago, in an ingenious but dastardly move, the cereal producers of America came together and made a decision that rendered their patrons helpless. By creating cereal mascots that were so tough and depraved, they made the consumers believe their wellbeing was in danger if they didn't purchase and consume nearly every brand of breakfast cereal on the market. While that may sound a bit farfetched, there is no denying that if you ever came across any of these seven hardened cereal mascots in a dark alley, you would probably mess yourself and then be beaten to death.
7-Tony the Tiger from Frosted Flakes
If the world's most dangerous jungle cat walks up to you (on two feet, mind you) threatening that after he's done with you, your face isn't gonna look so grrrrreat, it would be wise to either run, or check yourself into a rehab center. If you don't, you can be assured that pain is about to follow. Tony the Tiger is an unnatural combination of ripped, athletic man and killer, animal assassin, easily making him one of the deadliest cereal mascots around. And while some might state that his red bandanna says he's a limp-pawed pussy, I would have to point out that this killing machine has no paws, only human hands outfitted with deadly cat-claws, which are capable of tearing off the face of anyone dumb enough to claim he's not all tiger-man. So mind what you say around this beast (he does understand and speak English fluently), and maybe you'll walk away with your life.
This list is for all of those who sadly have to spend Valentines Day alone. Hope this list finds you well.
5- Get Drunk
Go ahead. Why not? It can be kind of depressing to be around on Valentines Day without someone to at least give you a phone call to say "I love you". So get drunk. It doesn't matter. Before the concept of drinking together in a social setting was the idea of drinking alone and soaking your wounds. So, go ahead. I'm not going to judge you and neither should anyone else reading this. Spend Valentines Day with Jim and Jack they might listen to you when you talk.
Valentine's Day is rabidly rapidly approaching, and most people are looking for one of two things: a present for a loved one, or a way to "love yourself". Don't look for these to safisfy either need. These products look sexual, but are made for other means... honestly!
7-The Kong Jawrobics Dog Toy
Even if you've never seen this gem of a chew-toy, the description of it alone is enough to make you think you're dealing with some potentially heavy-weight sex-toy material. The bulbous rubber phallus comes in small, medium, large, and king sizes, and even in a black xtreme version should your dog have stronger than average chewing abilities. (So many inappropriate jokes, so little room to write...) As you can see from above, this pet plaything looks more like something that should be found on the shelves at Good Vibrations next to a giant bottle of lube instead of your local PetSmart.
It's an unfortunate inevitability of life -- everybody poops. And while this task can occasionally provide us with an opportunity to relax or engage in some deep thinking, there are other instances when this basic undertaking becomes a chore no person should have to endure. Whether or not these stooling sessions can be tolerated, is often determined by one single factor: where it is taking place? If you're alone in the privacy of your own home, why not make an hour of it and get some reading in? However, if you're at work with your boss sitting in the adjacent stall, you'd better hold off on dropping anything for fear of creating an embarrassing splash. With that in mind though, things could be worse, and here are seven examples of how much worse..
8-The Wilderness Toilet
This is essentially taking a #2 in a wall-less bathroom. Sure, you're in a pretty remote location, but it's not so remote that they haven't needed to accommodate other people with full bowels. At any second, some fellow hiker could round that nearby group of trees and put an eyeball on you while you prepare to release yesterday's granola bar. It's also safe to assume that since this toilet is on a path intended for people who want to get away from the hectic bustle of society, that same society's emphasis on cleanliness and sterile toilets is far removed as well. And since the act of pooping leaves man at nearly his most helpless, this would seem like the ideal time for a voracious wild animal to attack. So, not only is this an uncomfortable practice, but it's a dangerous one as well.
There are so many words being used and abused year-round that you really can't just limit the culling of such vocab to the end of the December. Most annoying words and phrases go away on their own (e.g. "par-tay," "that's hot," variations of "-ILF," etc) but some just need to be dragged out into the conversation street and shot at dawn. Here are five such words.
5-Totes
Everytime I hear the word "Totes" I think of those fuzzy socks with the grippy bottoms my grandma used to wear. Turns out the Totes/Isotoner company has expanded its merchandise beyond no-skid socks to include such handy-dandy items as umbrellas and ponchos. Rihanna even has her own special line of umbrellas ('brellas, 'ellas, 'ellas...). So it surprised me when I started hearing "totes" used in a manner that didn't fit in with socks, galoshes, 'brellies, or slippers. Much to my surprise (and chagrin) some folks have been using "totes" instead of "totally." Huh? Why? What did "totally" ever do to earn a place in verbal time out? Nobody puts "totally" in the corner. The time has come for totes to go the way of those worn out fuzzy slippers and skid on outta here.
With the Super Bowl offering opportunities to indulge in mass quantities of meat, cheese, and bread, we believe that some attention should be paid to some of the lesser-known sandwiches. They may not be on the menu at Subway or Quiznos, but these sandwiches should still be considered for consumption.
9- Po' Boy
Some people would look at a Po' boy sandwich and say that it's just a submarine sandwich, but it's so much more than that. This staple of the Louisiana diet consists meat or seafood (even alligator), lettuce, tomato, pickles, mayonnaise, and onions on a baguette. The seafood is usually battered and fried so take note before you order.
Before anyone reads this list, I would like to point out that this list was created for those who have been (Like I have) told that I hate Dane Cook because he is famous. I know I am not the only one out there who does not like this guy. And in this list I tried to be as logical as I could and not just rip this guy a new one because I can. That would be rude. I think I make valid points. If you disagree I suggest you get a job writing for a blog on the internet as well.
"Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer."- Bill Hicks
5- He (probably) steals jokes
This is a huge internet debate. And there is reason to believe this claim because the evidence is somewhat compelling. Stealing jokes is the worst crime in comedy. You just don't do it. If you're caught it's like wearing the scarlet letter around your neck. I've seen comedians kicked out of clubs because of that. Some of his material is really close to Louis C.K. who is a comedian from the same city as Cook. In my opinion I think they are too close to call, but I have seen comics touch on similar topics with almost the same accuracy in terms on content. I mentioned this fact to a Superfan and was told in response "That he did [Louis C.K's] material better anyway". If that's how people are going to look at things then go ahead. Even if he didn't steal his jokes verbatim the material is uninspired.
We live in a capitalist society where we're presented with a multitude of options, no matter what our hearts desire. Sometimes that's a bad thing, as we've got a dearth of unnecessary shit in our lives. Here's the seven things that we could use a little less of in the world.
7- Non-alcoholic beers
Nobody buys beer for the taste. They buy it because it's the standard bearer for getting shitfaced. Almost every functioning alcoholic slowly developed a taste for beer, and the OMGList staff is no exception. That's why we're puzzled by the proliferation of non-alcoholic beers. As in, why is there more than one brand? There's only two reasons to purchase non-alcoholic beers. The first, and more unlikely reason is if you truly crave the taste of beer but can't indulge for some reason (What else can a busdriver drink on a hot summer day?). The second reason is to completely ruin a kegger, Freaks and Geeks style. Neither reason requires a diversity in selection. In fact, the only byproduct of the wide variety of non-alcoholic beers is that members of the normal beer-drinking populace are more likely to pick up a six-pack of these affronts to alcohol, especially while under the influence, when one's ability to take in printed information is at a low.
When I started up OMGLists less than two months ago, I figured it would be a neat way to explore my obsession with pop-culture that would hopefully find a few readers. Turns out I was wrong. It was an awesome way to explore my obsession with pop-culture that found a lot of readers. Thanks to a crack-team of excellent listographers, we've put out some excellent content in 2007. Here's my seven favorite lists we've done, and a few words on why each one was so dang great.
7- The 6 Sweetest Save Points in Gaming
This was the first list we ever published, way back in the salad days of November 2007. It's a gaming list, which is my personal forte, and like my other favorite gaming list (The 8 Blatant Load Screen Coverups) it proved near-impossible to find adequate screenshots for. Turns out gaming companies don't willingly provide pictures of save points and load screens to the press. If I do nothing else in 2008, I will make them change that.
Ben Karl (3)
Brady Sullivan (18)
OMGLists Team (7)
Xivy (3)
