You needn't look in your parents' yearbook to find truly laughable haircuts in this day and age. The following five styles are enjoying extreme popularity, despite looking completely and utterly ridiculous.
5- Weaves
Celebrities are an interesting bunch. Some give their money to charities. Others give their money to Charity, that sex worker out on 51st and Vine. But most of them blow a big wad of their hard-earned cash on their looks. In Hollywood it's important to keep your look fresh so starlets will be sporting super-short hairstyles one day and then letting their locks fall to the smalls of their backs the next. This seemingly miraculous feat is accomplished through the magic of weaves. If it's done well the look is practically seamless, if it's not...a few weeks later you wind up looking like a baby-doll who's been abandoned by its owner in a gutter where it's been chewed upon and then barfed up by rabid dogs. Just check out Britney above. I think the description fits. Too bad when the weave craze started so many girls got caught up in it. Now streets everywhere are crawling with zombie baby-dolls. I hope you've been practicing for the impending apocalypse.
Spring is a great season, but like any transitional time (I'm looking at you, puberty), there are always some annoying aspects that you just can't escape. Here's a few reasons Summer can't come soon enough.
6- Spring Break
Anyone who is no longer in school can appreciate the obnoxiousness that is "Spring Break." The majority of the world doesn't care that you get a week off each Spring. The rest of us are still slaving away at our jobs, answering the beck-and-call of the almighty overlord--I mean editor--and we couldn't care less how many margaritas you had made in your mouth in Cancun. MTV is no longer cool and most places worth visiting won't even let those jackasses near their sandy shores. No one is interested in seeing a bunch of shirtless frat monkeys wearing backwards baseball caps chugging Bush Light howl at streaky-blonde teenage slutbags in skimpy bikinis who shake their asses and bare their boobs in the hopes of gaining an iota of self-esteem because their daddies didn't love them enough. The only consolation for the rest of us is how painful it's going to be for those kids to grow-up and get real jobs where Spring Break is merely a memory...assuming they weren't blacked out the entire time.
Remember when Facebook was the more professional alternative to MySpace? Now that the gates have opened for people to create applications, Facebook profiles have become cluttered catastrophes of html. Here's 7 popular ones that take up valuable Scrabulous room.
7- Super Poke
Screw the Pillsbury Dough Boy; poking is not fun. On the Internet, it's even a bigger bother, as these little pokes can be annoying and evoke neurosis. You have to ask yourself: "To poke, or not to poke?" "What if you poke and you don't get poked back?" "And, if you poke one, should you poke them all?" You may not be as neurotic, or have as much time on your hands as, say, an Internet list writer, but you know you've have poke debates in your head before.
We all hate overpaying for things. Money's tight and times are tough, so it's no surprise that we all want to get fair value for every dollar we spend. But there are some things in this world that costs way more than it should and we have no idea why. So join us as we count down the seven things that we shouldn't have to overpay for.
7- Pizza Delivery
We all love pizza (if you don't, there is something wrong with you) and nothing beats ordering in a piping hot disc of deliciousness for dinner. But the one thing we hate about getting pizza delivered is that it's freaking expensive. Prices are high to begin with but then some pizza joints slap on a "delivery charge" and then when it arrives, you have to tip the delivery guy on top of that. Seriously, do the math next time you order a pizza and see how much you're paying per slice; yeah, you'd probably lose your appetite pretty quickly.
Yes, I know it's convenient and the alternatives-making it yourself, buying frozen-are less than perfect but seriously, the price of pizza is just way too high. Unless you're kneading flakes of gold into that dough, Mr. Pizza Company Executive, you need to slash some prices. Now, who wants to split an extra large pepperoni with me? It'll be here in about thirty minutes.
St. Patrick's Day has become one of the greatest US holidays despite the fact that it's not American at all. The reason? Anyone is welcome to celebrate even if they aren't of Irish decent. That being said, there's nothing more aggravating than an Irish poser. Here's six sure signs you're faking it this St. Patrick's Day
6- You Drink Green Beer
Why is this the one day of the year that so many people feel the need to turn normal things a different color? Rivers aren't turned red during Christmas, drinks don't mysteriously turn orange on Halloween, and baby chicks still stay pale yellow on Easter (and if they don't, someone needs to call PETA!). The thing is, if people stopped asking for green beer bartenders would probably stop serving it. Sure, some bars will be doling the greenish drink this holiday on their own volition, but most require that you specifically ask for the freakishly green substance. If you are one of these people that feels extra special with that colorful extra additive in their beer, you are clearly not Irish. Irish people don't taint their beer with such unnecessary piffle. They don't want to waste time with dyes and food coloring-they want their beer with minimal interference. Beer is great in its natural hue, so why change something that has been perfect on its own merit for so long?
Every few years a song or a movement inspires us to get up and do the most ridiculous dances. Sure, there are a few that are cute like The Twist, but in the dark shadow of Pop Culture Hell lies some of our worse Dance Craze skeletons. Some say that dancing is a language of its own. Well, if that is true these dance crazes are all screaming out one thing: "Shoot Me!" Here is our list of the eight most ridiculous dance crazes.
8. The Limbo
All of the ocean air and island sun is probably what caused the citizens of Trinidad to take a stick and start dancing under it. Unfortunately for us, it caught on and stuck, with even the likes of The Hoff cashing in on the craze. Now every drunken person at a party with a stick and a penchant for sticking out his or her genitals wants to limbo.
I'm sure there's a good reason for adding an extra day to February every four years, but I have no idea what that reason is But after investigating events that have happened on this day throughout history, I've made a shocking discovery. It is the scariest day of the year. Friday the 13th? Halloween? They don't have anything on the fear that comes forth on February 29th. Thank god it only comes once every four years. Here's the six scariest things that have happened on Leap Year Day.
6- Flooding (2000, 2008)
Both in the Mozambique countryside and Buenos Aries, Argentina (respectively), rising flood waters expelled tens of thousands of people from their homes in a major natural disaster that caused epic humanitarian crises. Calls went out around the world for helicopters, financial aid, food and potable water, medicine, supplies for shelter, medical staff, trained personnel, etc. People in Mozambique continue to rebuild their lives but those in Argentina are still waiting to see how bad the destruction will be. Hopefully come tomorrow things will begin to subside once today washes out.
How many times when eating a bowl of cereal have you thought to yourself, "Am I eating this bowl of sugar and milk because I actually think it tastes good? Or am I just afraid of what will happen to me if I don't?" It's been rumored that years ago, in an ingenious but dastardly move, the cereal producers of America came together and made a decision that rendered their patrons helpless. By creating cereal mascots that were so tough and depraved, they made the consumers believe their wellbeing was in danger if they didn't purchase and consume nearly every brand of breakfast cereal on the market. While that may sound a bit farfetched, there is no denying that if you ever came across any of these seven hardened cereal mascots in a dark alley, you would probably mess yourself and then be beaten to death.
7-Tony the Tiger from Frosted Flakes
If the world's most dangerous jungle cat walks up to you (on two feet, mind you) threatening that after he's done with you, your face isn't gonna look so grrrrreat, it would be wise to either run, or check yourself into a rehab center. If you don't, you can be assured that pain is about to follow. Tony the Tiger is an unnatural combination of ripped, athletic man and killer, animal assassin, easily making him one of the deadliest cereal mascots around. And while some might state that his red bandanna says he's a limp-pawed pussy, I would have to point out that this killing machine has no paws, only human hands outfitted with deadly cat-claws, which are capable of tearing off the face of anyone dumb enough to claim he's not all tiger-man. So mind what you say around this beast (he does understand and speak English fluently), and maybe you'll walk away with your life.
This list is for all of those who sadly have to spend Valentines Day alone. Hope this list finds you well.
5- Get Drunk
Go ahead. Why not? It can be kind of depressing to be around on Valentines Day without someone to at least give you a phone call to say "I love you". So get drunk. It doesn't matter. Before the concept of drinking together in a social setting was the idea of drinking alone and soaking your wounds. So, go ahead. I'm not going to judge you and neither should anyone else reading this. Spend Valentines Day with Jim and Jack they might listen to you when you talk.
Valentine's Day is rabidly rapidly approaching, and most people are looking for one of two things: a present for a loved one, or a way to "love yourself". Don't look for these to safisfy either need. These products look sexual, but are made for other means... honestly!
7-The Kong Jawrobics Dog Toy
Even if you've never seen this gem of a chew-toy, the description of it alone is enough to make you think you're dealing with some potentially heavy-weight sex-toy material. The bulbous rubber phallus comes in small, medium, large, and king sizes, and even in a black xtreme version should your dog have stronger than average chewing abilities. (So many inappropriate jokes, so little room to write...) As you can see from above, this pet plaything looks more like something that should be found on the shelves at Good Vibrations next to a giant bottle of lube instead of your local PetSmart.
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