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8 Extremely Frightening Clowns

Jul. 8 2:46 PM by Aaron_Koehn

For a profession meant to entertain kids, clowns sure can scare people of all ages. Here's eight face-painted funnymen who scared the crap out of us, whether it was intentional or not.

8- Pennywise from It

Oh, the comic relief a clown creates, with his stark white face, insanely styled hair, and constant unnatural smile. It's easy to see why everybody loves a clown. Or do they? I suppose if clowns are stalking your neighborhood with the intention of eating your children for sustenance, you might become a bit wary of their shenanigans. Unfortunately, Pennywise, the shape-shifting clown, happened to take up residence in one of those ultra-conservative towns where people are opposed to child consumption by bright-red harlequin maws.

7- Nightmare Clowns from Pee Wee's Big Adventure

Never put the care of your most trusted possessions in the hands of clowns, especially when those clowns seem to reside in some sort of dark-circus parallel universe. Unfortunately, the affable nature of one trusting Pee Wee Herman proves this point, as much to his and the viewer's dismay, his beloved red bike falls into the hands of just such a bunch. With care ultimately tendered by a maniacal clown doctor--who probably had to stay in Clown College for 10 or 12 years to lock up that medical doctorate--Mr. Herman's bike finds out just what happens when clowns are given significant responsibility.

6- Clown from Spawn

If you've ever seen the movie Spawn, you already know what is so terrifying about the demonic guide called Clown, and it's not the fact that he claims permanent residence in Satan's displaced home. No, it's those horribly-dated special effects when said clown transforms himself into an emaciated dragon who shares its name with that generic, local hard-rock band that can be found in every town: Violator. If you are able to look past the antiquated effects, you'll most likely see a clown that you probably wouldn't want making balloon animals at your child's next birthday party. However, if you're like everyone else you're going to see CGI that makes modern computers cry.

5- Evil Krusty Doll from The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror 3

Did The Simpson's third Treehouse of Horror special incorporate a glaring social commentary on our capitalist society's incessant thirst for inane products and goods whose only purpose is to further sustain a market based on perpetual consumption? Or were we just supposed to laugh when a naked Homer went running through the house while a small Krusty doll brandishing a harpoon gave chase? I'm going to guess the latter and hope I'm right, because while capitalism can often be scary, it's rarely funny, and small dolls attempting to shank overweight cartoon characters in their birthday suits is always hilarious. A word of advice: if you ever see an inanimate object become animate, make sure its morality switch is securely placed on good and not evil.

4- Doink from the WWE

Nothing says "clown evil" better than when a white-faced stooge pulls the ol' Stump Puller (Inverted Boston Crab) on you followed by a devastating Whoopie Cushion (Seated Senton). The WWF had the smarts to combine two of the world's most well-regarded professions--wrestling and clowning--and then televise this marvelous hybrid for all the world to enjoy and fear. If there's any bigger fear in the minds of people than a crazy clown, it's a crazy, steroid-abusing clown, clothes-lining them in front of massive audiences of people. Don't even get me started on his midget tag team partner...

3- The Killer Klowns from Outer Space

It's an indisputable fact that people don't like being murdered, and when said crime is perpetrated at the puffy white-gloved hands of an intergalactic space klown, people are even less thrilled. If there is one thing that isn't scary about these other-worldly laugh bags, it's that adorable baby klown who rides around on his trike literally knocking people's blocks off. That biker was just asking for it.

2- 1963-era Ronald McDonald

As evidenced by this video, at one time Ronald McDonald was far creepier than he is today (which is saying a lot). What's with the low voice? What's with that darkened hamburger lair, where he peeps on McDonald's patrons? What's with him claiming to have already met and befriended various children? And what's with that red makeup around his mouth? Is all that scarlet supposed to be his lips? It looks more like blood--children's blood, to be exact.

1- The Joker from Batman comics/movies

When your vocation requires that you rub shoulders with short, obese men who are infatuated with penguins, grown women who dress and act as if they are cats, and sirs who think scarecrows embody danger and dread, you have a job most people wouldn't apply for. Then again, most people also wouldn't be comfortable if their work attire consisted of purple tuxedos and large green bow ties, so if shooting seltzer water in the face of vigilante crusaders is your thing, I guess you take the good with the bad. What makes the Joker truly scary, however, isn't his acceptance of eccentric coworkers or his garish clothing choices; it's his ability to wear a massive smile after perpetual beatings and incarcerations at the hands of a grown man dressed like a bat.

Comments

I vote Pennywise #1. He was hella scary until we found out he was actually a really stupid looking giant spider.

 

Ah, yes. The Jacob's Ladder Clowns from Pee Wee.
I'd almost forgotten about them.
And I thought I'd made progress...

 

No John Wayne Gacy?

 

Honorable mention goes to Bart's Clown Bed from the Simpsons episode about Lisa's birth. "Can't sleep... clown'll eat me..."

 

I used to like clowns until I saw that one scarry wwf wrestler on tv and he was acting crazy on tv.

 

clowns scare that crap out of me. All of the makeup, the fake voice, and oversized clothing. Why? What are they hiding? when I was smaller I panicked when around these "creatures" thinking they would abduct me and no one would ever find me because they couldn't identify the real person behind the fake identity. too scary...

 

The Killer Klowns From Outer Space freaked me out big time when I first saw the movie at the age of five.

 

hmm i think pennywise should've been higher but other than that good read lol

 

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