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6 Fictional Battle of the Bands We'd Love to See

Aug. 19 4:32 PM by Kate McNally

When watching a program, movie, or fictional genre rife with fake bands, it can get hard to separate the pretenders from the pretenders who are really good at making fake music. In order to simplify things, we've taken 6 of the more contentious fictional band rivalries and settled them for you. You're welcome.

6- Zack Attack vs. Hot Sundae

What is more typical American teenager then being in a band? Nothing, that's what. So a show that portrays "typical" American teenagers needs to include a band-Saved By The Bell was just that show and boy-howdy they had some musical interludes. Thus, "Zack Attack" was formed. Most of the main cast was in it with each playing their personality-specific part. Zack was the pretty-boy front-man, Slater pounded those macho sticks on the macho drums, Screech rocked the oh-so-respectable keyboard, Lisa (the token black character) rocked the soulful bass (which is, of course, what all people of color do giving their inherent soulfulness), and the rest of the girls did back-up vocals which is typical for pretty girls who can't play instruments. In the other corner we have the three girls putting their singing talents to use by forming the group "Hot Sundae." How double-entendre of them. While Zack Attack really only featured prominently in a dream sequence and at one school dance, Hot Sundaes actually made a music video-albeit the cheesiest one ever created. They pretty much run into a tie as far as bands go, but Hot Sundaes manages to edge out a win because Jessie does the cool rock star thing and forms a drug addiction. Caffeine pills are so punk rock.

5- Limozeen vs. Sloshy

If you love Strong Bad--and how could you not?--you will automatically appreciate the glam-rock glory that is "Limozeen." Straight out of the 80's, this hair-band produced such hits as "Because It's Midnight" and "Today Is Alright 4 2Nite." Sloshy, is an indie-alt group that keeps things a little more mellow and lets you chew on the emo-yness of their music. These two bands actually go head-to-head in an all-too-short animated clip that results in Limozeen taking out Sloshy by riffin' some totally sweet guitar licks. Any band whose guitar solo can kill with laser beams wins hands-down.

4- Jem and the Misfits vs. Barbie and the Rockers

When it comes to animated girl-bands you really don't get more fashionable than these two. While neither group sounds that fantastic, you can bet they always look, like, totally hot. So while you can't really differentiate between the two sounds, you can definitely determine who the winning team would be-Jem and her crazy-hair Misfits. Not only do they derive their name from an actual band with an actual good sound, but Jem herself is pretty bad ass. The ability to change your form and persona just by tugging on your earring is something even Barbie, the bitch who has everything, can't do. Plus, who doesn't love pink hair? It's truly outrageous! Truly, truly, truly outrageous!

3- Fingerbang vs. Faith +1

South Park manages to dangle a few potential bands in front of viewers (The Ghetto Ave Boys, Moop, etc), but when it comes to actually making something happen you have to go with Fingerbang and Faith +1. While Cartman creates both bands, the only one to become successful is the fake-Christian group, Faith +1. But, like Fingerbang, Faith +1 eventually crashes and burns (though they manage to go "Myrrh" --the Christian version of platinum--before dropping the F-bomb at their celebration). So who wins in the end? Well Fingerbang has the kick-ass name and the Village People-esque performance involving Kyle's dad, but that just can't compare when you're totally pulling the wool over the eyes of the "Christian rock" flock. Jesus definitely touched this group.

2- The Be Sharps vs. The Party Posse

Continuing down the animated path, and invoking a thinly veiled homage to the Beatles, Homer Simpson, Principal Seymour Skinner, Chief Clancy Wiggum and Apu Nahasapeemapetilon du Beaumarchais form the barbershop quartet, "The Be Sharps." Eventually they replace Chief Wiggum with Barney Gumble and the band wins a Grammy for their hit "Baby On Board". Bart, Milhouse, Nelson and Ralph on the other hand form a group of their own at the behest of LT Smash, a shady record producer. We all know the end result of both bands. Homer and crew eventually have a falling out spurred by John's, er, Barney's ego and the group parts ways. Bart's group is a hit with the younger audiences but is actually a sham fueled by computer-altered singing, videos with subliminal messages and a need to foster new naval recruits. The clear winner here is The Be Sharps. Any group that can emulate the Beatles AND throw in a cameo by the late, great George Harrison deserves top honors. By comparison, The Party Posse's episode featured a guest spot by 'N Sync, who are neither late, nor great.

1- Spinal Tap vs. The Folksmen

The ultimate fake band to end all fake bands has been, and will always be, Spinal Tap. Not only was their mocku-rocku-mentary hilarious and spot-on, but it actually launched the group into a touring, semi-legitimate band. The same group of smart-arses that birthed Spinal Tap--Christopher Guest, Michael McKean and Harry Shearer--are the same trio that formed "The Folksmen:" a folk-group that got its start on Saturday Night Live and eventually reunited in "A Mighty Wind." A lot of the same actors who made an appearance in "This Is Spinal Tap" (Eugene Levy, Catherine O' Hara, Ed Begley Jr., etc) make a repeat performance in "A Mighty Wind" though it's The Folksmen who really steal the show. These two bands are comprised of the same people but are at the opposite ends of the musical spectrum. This battle nearly ends in a draw, but for the fact that in the end it's The Folksmen who wind up opening for Spinal Tap on their "Back From The Dead" tour (which was apparently as bad-ass as it sounds). Besides, Metal wrecks shop on Folk every day of the week and twice on Sundays.


holograms Jem and the holograms


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